Divination: Tarot Tour – No. 19 The Sun

This week’s card is The Sun. The card pictured comes from the Rider-Waite deck (as featured on Wikipedia). After the long sojourn through the darkness of life’s challenges, The Sun shines forth to bring hope and prosperity. This is a card that is almost always positively aspected. Different decks will depict two children meeting before a wall with the brilliant Sun above them. This variation in iconography does not change the meanings behind this card (but does make for an interesting variety of artwork to look for).

In the direct orientation, the Sun speaks of hope and prosperity, as I mentioned earlier. It is also a card indicative of healthy relationships and pure joy. In the reversed orientation, the Sun still speaks of these things happening but the joy is not complete, the relationship needs extra attention, and the prosperity has not fully arrived yet. Hope, however, springs eternal.

In the Fool’s Journey, the Fool is coming to a place of renewal. They have grown wiser from their journey and have learned to appreciate and live in the moment.

Originally posted: 4/6/2020

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A Message from the World-Breaker

Dear Reader,

As you may know, I am a godspouse to Loki. One of the kennings of this god is World-Breaker. The people who like to point at Loki as the “Norse Satan” like to thump on this kenning like it’s a bad thing. They’re likely going to take exception to what I’m about to post here. As I was up in the middle of the night, sleepless with anxiety, Loki spoke to me. What he said reassured me so that I could get some sleep. He wanted me to share it with you all. Preface made, let’s move on, shall we?


I am Chaos. To some I am misfortune and to some I am not. I am not malevolent towards humanity. I am the force of entropy that keeps the universe from collapsing into nothingness. COVID-19 is a plague upon the earth but it is not my work or the work of some other deity. It is wyrd. It was only a matter of time until another plague swept through humanity. Your faster methods of travel meant that it spread faster where once it would have been confined perhaps to a single continent.

No one knows the full extent of their wyrd. Frigg who knows the fates of all mankind sits and spins her clouds and speaks not upon it. It is just as well. For what would you do if you knew the exact date that you were to die? Would you flail about in despair or give up those cherished dreams?

I am Chaos. I am also a friend of humanity. Some say that I am fickle, and that may be. But I am as much in the random acts of kindness as I am in the random acts of cruelty. It is you who decides if it is kindness or cruelty. I am merely the seed of action, the way you perform is the flower, and the results of your deeds are the fruit.

Your world has grown stagnant in many places. Those structures are beginning to crumble. They have been in this position for quite some time. You can rebuild them or you can build new, better structures. This is an earthquake that would be a magnitude 20. Seek your shelter and then build your lives up out of the materials that have rained down for you to work with. I am in the creative urge as much as I destroy. After all, to plant seeds you must break the earth open.

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Where are the gods? They are here with us.

Dear Reader,

Some of you may know that I have struggled with the question of divine mercy in the face of tragedy. It is hard to keep faith in it when you watch loved ones die. It is hard to keep faith in it when you thole your own sufferings. It is especially hard to keep faith in divine mercy when a tragedy as large as a pandemic is happening and the uncertainty as to if it will rob you or your loved ones of their lives.

We cry out to the gods “Why have you let this happen?” For too long have we been taught that the gods are not subject to wyrd. For too long have we been taught that they are all powerful. There is a reason why there are many gods of many different things. There is a reason why the gods can not escape their own fated interactions with other beings. (My friends in the Filianic and Déanic community, give me but a moment of your patience and I will explain what I am trying to express.)

Life flourishes when given the opportunity. Life on any scale will do so with the distinct lack of predators or natural checks to the point that it threatens the very environment in which it lives. The COVID-19 situation is the same as an invasive species destroying a waterway. It just happens that the destruction is to humans. We are desperately searching for a way to check COVID-19, just as the local community where I live is searching for a way to prevent the algae blooms on the lake, and restore parity to the system that is being decimated by the invasive species.

The gods have not abandoned us. They are here with us. They are at our bed sides as we fight with COVID-19 and its attendant complications. They are with the medical and safety professionals who risk their lives to help our communities. They are with the grocery store workers and countless other vital professionals who keep our communities alive while we are practicing social distancing.

The gods did not have a choice in which life flourishes and which life withers. That is wyrd. We may appeal to them to intervene somehow and put off when death comes for us. But they are as helpless to wyrd as we are. Even Déa, for the Daughter descended into the world and became subject to wyrd perpetually as part of Her sacrifice.

Do not despair. The gods are with you. Turn to them and unburden your heart to them. Seek out their good will. Pour out offerings unto them if you are able, even if it is but a few drops of water. They will hear your cries. They will comfort you.

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Transcription project update.

Dear Reader,

I’m making much slower progress on the transcription project than I anticipated with the kids distracting me a fair amount. I am still working on transcribing The Pillar of Light. It’s got me thinking about the state of affairs in the world right now. The world is scary and chaotic right now. I’m not so sure that the idea of it as a mist about the Pillar is comforting. Mist tends to blow away really easily when the wind kicks up and can be dangerous to move through.

Nor am I fining much comfort in the writings that state that all is ephemeral. Still, I am continuing my transcription work in moments stolen from the home schooling that I have been doing with the kids since school is closed for an indefinite time. (We’d be at the middle of the school year right now if it was in session.) My anxiety over COVID-19 is high and I am doing my level best not to let it show around the kids. One thing that is sort of comforting about everything is ephemeral concept is that COVID-19 will not persist forever and we are not doomed to isolation for an excessive period of time.

I am doing my best to focus on the Truth: perfect love and perfect harmony come from Déa. I am doing my best to show my love for my family as often as I can because I fear that COVID-19 will come to our home and steal one of us away. I pray to the gods for the protection and safety of so many people I care about and so many others I know. If you desire to have your name added to my prayer list, please comment on this post. If you are of the inclination to join me in praying for the welfare of others, please keep my family and friends in your thoughts.

We’ll all get through this, somehow.

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It's here! The Unabridged Filianic Calendar Devotional.

Dear Reader,

That’s right, my new book is out and available for purchase. Currently, it is the digital edition that I encourage you to buy for the safety of everyone involved given the COVID-19 pandemic. This is the condensed version. Unlike the paperback (which is still in review over at KDP), the digital edition does not include a one line a day prayer journal for the year. Obviously, you can not write down the prayers you desire on your Kindle or other E-reader. A notebook or a document file is absolutely awesome for that.

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Kala & Covid-19: Thoughts.

It seems oddly and eerily appropriate that Kala is accompanied by exceedingly visceral reminders of the consequences of the death of Our Lady. For the people who are not familiar with Filianism, Kala is the day that the Daughter is slain and Her body is hung upon the World Pillar in the Netherworld by the Dark Queen. This is the day that the Daughter descends into the abyss of khear farther than any of our souls might go because She has gone there and protects us from it’s endless destruction.

Right now, over on Tumblr, I am leading a Novena to the Healer of the World. I recognize that some people would argue that it is inappropriate to continue this Novena through Kala and Hiatus (which is 2 days this year instead of the usual 1 because it is a leap year).  This is because the Daughter is dead and this renders the world still, lifeless, and filled with all manner of suffering as per the holy texts. I argue, however, that the Daughter is still sustaining the world because we have not vanished into oblivion today. She is currently engaged in the greatest act of healing for the world – healing the rift between all of creation and Déa. As such, prayers to Her are still appropriate.

I also am of the opinion that now is an especially good time to pray to the Bright Mother to come and rescue not only Her Daughter from the abyss of khear and utter death, but all of us from the dangers of Covid-19. For this reason, I will be reciting my rosary. It is a custom that I have developed to pray the “Catholic” style rosary with my focus on Marya, the Bright Mother. Once a season, I pray a fifteen decade rosary to Marya. I will be doing that today. My focus will not be the entire mythos, which it usually is when I do so. It will be instead for the healing and safety of the world and Our Lady.

Today is day three of social isolation for my children and I. We’ve been doing our best to get some semblance of a learning schedule and get started on home schooling. It’s been challenging. I may add on some prayer time for success in settling into the new normal. My husband had to go to work. I have been praying for their health and safety. If you are willing to send up a prayer for us, I would appreciate it.  If you are interested in the Novena to the Healer of the World, check things out over on Tumblr.

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A recounting of the Maid’s journey: the Second Gate

The Maid passed from the eerie realm of twilight into deep shadow. As She proceeded onward, she found the souls of the newly dead milling about in lost confusion. In the dimness, the Maid’s light was as the first crescent moon shining on the waters of the river of grief. Her fellow travelers were drawn to Her light. The lost found the road through darkness, weeping with relief. No more did they stumble over the hard stones scattered over that place.

The Maid comforted them and She then continued to the second gate. The second gatekeeper came forward. She gazed upon the Princess of the World and her entourage with ire. The keeper of the gate of iron scowled. She knew that the Dark Queen would not tolerate they presence of any higher born than she. Knowing that the gatekeeper would be punished for allowing any of high birth pass with their ornament or insignia, the gatekeeper demanded the Maid’s silver circlet.

The Maid removed her diadem and handed it over. The gatekeeper took it and roughly thrust the Maid through the portal before shutting it. Her companions wept anew at the sight of the Princess of the World being stripped of Her crown. The gatekeeper threw the silver circlet upon a pile of such things that had been stripped of princesses and royal born of the world. Though the Maid walked away, something of Her light lingered in that circlet to the gatekeeper’s dread, for it shimmered in the gloom.

Alone, into deeper darkness, the Maid walked with the sound of weeping echoing in Her ears.


As I was about to get up and do some chores, I bashed my knee on the desk. While I sat with ice on it, I thought more about the Maid’s journey and wondered what she would see besides the gates. This is the fruit of that contemplation. I think that the newly dead would be wandering in a dark place unsure where to go and Our Lady’s light guides them to safe passage through that darkness as She journeys on.

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A recounting of the Maid’s journey: The First Gate

The Maid walked upon the downward sloping road through a desolate land. A land where every manner of green thing had died for want of water and proper light, for the vale had deepened  so that not even a ray of daylight came into this place. The Maid heard a great roaring of what seemed to be a river echoing o’er the distance.

Soon, the road She walked brought Her alongside it. A deafening din like the clashing of battle came from the waters that ran red as blood and gave not to the lands it passed through. Soon the road met the waters and a ford of broken stones lay across it. On the other side of the ford stood a great oaken gate with iron banded door and iron hinges set into stone gatepost. The river ran round the place where the gate stood in an oxbow and was lost in the fog that shrouded the point.

At watch on the gate was one who viewed the Maid’s descent into the vale from afar. The gatekeeper watched the Maid cross the ford and how, for a moment, the turbulent waters became calm and clear. With wonder and dread of who had such power to becalm the river named grief, the gatekeeper cried: Who is it that come of her own free step upon the realm of the Dark Queen?

And the Maid replied: I am the Daughter of She Who is Mother of All. Great fear, nay, terror came into the gatekeeper’s heart. She viewed the Maid and beheld the great Moon-axe She bore. The gatekeeper was in great dread of that weapon forged of light. The howling horde that had sallied forth earlier returned blooded by it where none had done before. Thinking of her duty to protect her Queen, the gatekeeper thought to take the axe and hopefully diminish the Maid’s power.

The gatekeeper demanded: Give unto me Your axe and You shall pass. The Maid gave the great Moon-axe into the gatekeeper’s hands. With haste, the gatekeeper gave order for the gate to be opened. The vast oaken gate groaned upon its hinges, the very gate seemingly resisting the Maid’s entrance.

Once it had opened but wide enough for one to pass through, so did the Maid proceed on her journey. As the gatekeeper hastened to close the gate, a servant of the Dark Queen came for that treasured weapon to bear it away to their mistress.


This is what came to me as I was meditating upon the mystery of the Maid giving over her Moon-axe to gain access to the Dark Queen’s realm.

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Moura – Day ??? I am so mixed up.

Dear Reader,

Apparently being sick has completely confused my sense of time last week. I honestly am not sure if today is day 19 or not of Moura. I feel befuddled and a bit down hearted because it was my intent to blog about every day of Moura this year. I think it is clear, however, that Our Lady had other plans for me. I’m finally over the flu. I got a walk and was astounded by how much the world seems to have changed from the bitter cold and such that was here when I first came down with the flu and decided it was in my best interests to stay indoors as much as possible.

I’m partially caught up on housework. I have a few dishes left in the sink to manage, but I’m going to handle it after dinner. I did a lot of work on my prayer shawl. My focus as I have been working is praying to Deam Mysterium for serenity. I have a big anxiety problem and being chronically ill doesn’t help it any. Now my kids are getting older and going through life changes, which has me fretting over how to help them.

I have discovered that I didn’t write a thing in my day planner which acts as my bullet journal for life at large. I honestly don’t know if the date I have written in there for Moura is correct. My food journal got forgotten for the last two weeks because I was too busy being sick and worrying about a medication change with my diabetes medicine (which lead to higher than normal fasting blood sugars on top of the elevation that got caused by my having the flu – it was scary).

I’ve been struggling with the feeling that I’m not “doing” Moura properly. It’s been frustrating for me to keep up with my daily devotionals or to do anything special on top of that. I’ve been an emotional mess and struggling with my seasonal depression. It’s beginning to improve but I still feel badly. I have been trying to do my spring cleaning but its not working out so great because I wasn’t well for about two weeks (thanks influenza). Somewhere in the middle of this bucket of suck that I am carrying around, I have misplaced hope that things will get better. I’m just treading water and frustrated with my lack of progress.

I think my big lesson for Moura this year is be more patient with myself. I am wretched at doing that. Seriously, I have a terrible track record for being patient with myself when I’m going through any sort of growth process or stopping to rest when I’m sick. (Which is why when I had pneumonia years ago, my toddler son was regularly ratting me out to Beloved for getting up out of sick bed because I was impatient to do SOMETHING. The compromise was I could teach myself to knit if I stayed in bed unless I had to get up. I’m an awful patient because I keep trying to get up and do stuff when I really should be resting.)

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Moura – Day 19: Starting to feel better.

Dear Reader,

After some rest time, I feel like I can get back into cleaning mode. Which is a good thing because I have about a week’s worth of work to catch up on. I’m planning on asking Beloved to put together the vacuum cleaner. It is entirely different from the old one and I don’t want to chance putting a part in the wrong place. My sweeper is … Well, it works, sort of. I may buy another rechargeable electric sweeper if Aldi’s grocery gets them in again some time soon (and they don’t sell out as fast as they did last time).

This coronavirus business has me feeling a bit anxious. On Friday, there were 44 cases confirmed in my state. Then, yesterday evening there were 77 cases confirmed. Right now, most of them are in the downstate region of NY. There was one potential case in my part of NY that was tested and came up negative. The person in question chose to keep themselves quarantined just to keep everybody safe. I sincerely hope that they are feeling better soon. I am, quite obviously, praying for the health and welfare of everyone who have been effected by this disease.

As I was doing some more work on my transcription project of the Filianic scriptures, I was reading through the latter section of The Heart of Water. It was somewhat grim reading considering the state of the world today. The promise that Déa shall bring us deliverance from the darkness in this world is one that I do my best to keep in my mind as I am looking at the situation. I know that all things move in cycles. We just have to be patient and wait for this cycle to reset itself. In the meantime, I am going to work on doing all the practical things for myself and my family.

May Déa bless you and keep you safe during these trying times.

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